Thursday, September 1, 2016

I Just Want To Heal

One thing is pretty sure: If I wouldn't have gotten then g-tube then there's a good chance I might not have made it. That's worst case scenario. Best case is that I would've missed some treatments. All of that is bad so I'm glad I went ahead and got the tube.

Yeah it's annoying as all Hell, but it's keeping me alive.

The worst thing right now, though, is the constant dry mouth. It's bad. Absolutely no saliva. That is difficult to deal with. When my mouth dries out then it hurts to swallow water. I try to drink water a lot in order to help, but it's right back to dry mouth. As dry as the desert.

Chemo has caused most of this but I'm sure radiation has contributed to it, as well. I just want a moist a mouth again. Looks like that'll be awhile.

So yes, I managed to get through 33 radiation treatments. That's quite a lot. About seven weeks. Glad it's over but still have to deal with side effects for a few more weeks. That is getting more difficult.

I'm restless but tired all the time. I just want to heal.

Back to patience.

That's getting more difficult to do: be patient.

Yesterday my doc and I decided we'd stop chemo treatments. So I'm finished with chemo and radiation. Now it's on to healing.

The chemo was not systemic treatment, it was to help radiation do it's thing. I asked her if she was worried about me stopping and she said no. That's good.

It looks like healing will be difficult. That is disappointing. You don't realize how much you take your mouth for granted until it's not functioning the way it is supposed. It feels like it did after surgery, hurts in the same spots, but it seems more intense. Maybe it's my imagination, who knows. I did eat a little bit of real food last night, not much mind you, but I did. It's definitely more dry than after surgery and that makes a big deal. I need saliva. Maybe start feeling better next week? Who knows? Everyone is different.

It does affect my sleep. Hard to sleep with dry mouth and then wake up, drink water, and hurt to swallow. Doesn't make me want to go to sleep. Some nights are better than others. Most nights suck badly.

So that's it. Pain, dry mouth, treatments complete, more pain.

Please start healing. Please feel better soon. Please.